


May Our Hearts Be Sewn Together When Our Hearts Feel So Undone

by ayerlind



Series: I Could Live a Little More [27]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Dom/sub, Gazzaweireld, I mean they can't be together so they have to be at a distance right?, It's really not that low-key actually, Kinda, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, POV: Paulo, Paulo is low-key freaking out, Possessive Paulo, Power Exchange, Quarantine, Texting, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayerlind/pseuds/ayerlind
Summary: March 2020It all came down to who needed the security most, in the moment.
Relationships: Toby Alderweireld/Paulo Gazzaniga
Series: I Could Live a Little More [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621807
Kudos: 9





	May Our Hearts Be Sewn Together When Our Hearts Feel So Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was harder now, not always knowing what time they were waking up, not being able to see their beautiful smiles and kiss them during their first happy moment of the day.

27 March 2020  
London

The bedroom was darker than usual when Paulo opened his eyes. His sleep schedule was so far off now - he was going to sleep at odd hours, waking up at odd hours, taking long, unplanned naps during the day; this whole drastic shift in routine because of the lockdown was messing with his entire concept of time. Other than training over Zoom, there was nothing anymore to stop him from staying up until one or two and then sleeping until almost ten in the morning, or napping for four hours after training, or falling asleep before nine at night and waking up when the sun was just barely starting to do the same. All of which he had done in just the past few days. 

He scrubbed his tired, itchy eyes and sighed, turning his head to look at Patricia beside him. She was stretched out in all directions, her hair a sprawling black mess against her pillow, mouth open. If he were to take a picture, she’d kill him, but Paulo thought she couldn’t be cuter. 

Covering a yawn, he got his phone from his nightstand. He had a few notifications that he didn’t care about, and two that he did. 

_ >>From: Jan V [05:48]: te amo _ 💙

 _ >>From: Toby A [06:12]: _😘☀️

He loved that, without any of them even discussing it, his boys had both fallen into the habit of texting him something shortly after they woke up - love messages, interesting reddit links, a selfie, a picture of the sunrise through the bedroom window; whatever he received, it let him know that they woke up thinking about him, and it filled him with joy. Having young kids, both of them were usually awake before Paulo was - even on days where Paulo thought he’d woken up unfairly early - which meant that he usually woke up thinking about them, too, hoping to find both messages whenever he reached for his phone. 

Jan’s text had come much earlier, so Paulo had a feeling his hands were a little more full than Toby’s. He settled onto his back again, still blinking a little blearily at the screen as he went to his texts. 

_ <<To: Toby A [06:39]: Buenos días mi liefje _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:39]: Goedemorgen, señor _💙

 _ <<To: Toby A [06:40]: Send nudes _ 💙

Paulo grinned at his phone, hoping that he would make Toby laugh, and he laughed softly in delight himself when several laughing emojis popped up in the chat window. He missed being able to wake up next to Toby and Jan and say something to make them laugh first thing in the morning. Having his boys happy before they even got out of bed set a tone for the day that he liked. It was harder now, not always knowing what time they were waking up, not being able to see for himself that it worked, not being able to see their beautiful smiles and kiss them during their first happy moment of the day. 

Paulo’s stomach clenched, but he resolutely ignored it, swinging his legs out of bed and putting his feet firmly on the cold floor.

His phone trilled again, and Paulo was very effectively distracted from any encroaching anxiety by the picture that Toby sent. He was standing near the full body mirror in his bedroom, and he’d turned to get his ass in the shot, twisting at the waist. 

_ <<To: Toby A [06:43]: Mmm nice. _   
_ <<To: Toby A [06:43]: I want to pick what you wear today _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:44]: I’d like that _

Paulo let out a pleased little rumble, then put his phone back down. He dressed quietly in a long-sleeved shirt and joggers, grabbed a pair of socks and his phone, and bent down to kiss Patricia’s cheek. She mumbled something sweet in her sleep and rolled away from him, and he smiled, heading down to the kitchen and rousing Teo on his way. Despite having been dead asleep only moments ago, Teo grabbed his ball along the way and met Paulo by the door with his tail wagging. 

“You have too much energy, my friend,” Paulo murmured. He started water for his maté, pulled on a jacket and hat, and pulled his phone back out of his pocket, taking a long, appreciative look at Toby’s picture again. While he looked, a second picture came through and pushed the first one out of the way. Laid out on Toby’s bed were five pairs of underwear - red, grey, and black briefs, purple boxers, and Spurs shorts - the ones with ‘LUCKY PANTS’ all around the waistband. 

_ <<To: Toby A [06:47]: the grey _   
_ <<To: Toby A [06:47]: I like when I can see your cock in the pictures that you send me _   
_ <<To: Toby A [06:47]: I want three today _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:48]: Yes sir _   
_ >>From: Toby A [06:48]: What shirt do you want me to wear? _

_ <<To: Toby A [06:48]: slow down. I give you permission to speak freely, not to rush me. Take a picture in your underwear _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:48]: Yes sir, sorry _

That was amongst Paulo’s favourite changes, in the grand scheme of things. Because he’d had to allow Jan and Toby more freedoms to make up for the fact that he couldn’t be physical with them, he’d asked for some things in return, and Toby had agreed to start calling him ‘sir’ the way that Jan did - basically any time he showed dominance, even outside of clear-cut scenes, as well as just whenever Toby felt like it, if he needed comfort or wanted to show respect. 

It made Paulo happy. It reminded him of how important he was to them, and reaffirmed for him, every single time, that they found him worthy of their respect and that they trusted his leadership. He’d never realised until recently, now that so many other things had been taken away, quite how much he depended on that.

Another picture came through. Toby had taken it from above and slightly out in front, his camera pointing down his lean torso, showing him from chest to mid-thigh. His cock, currently at about half-mast, was easily visible under the light fabric, and Paulo rubbed a hand absently over his own crotch, eyes flicking to the gardens on either side of his own.

 _ <<To: Toby A [06:50]: I like that very much _😍  
 _ <<To: Toby A [06:50]: Did you reschedule your video appointment with your therapist? _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:51] Yes sir. _

_< <To: Toby A [06:50]: That’s my good boy. :)_ _A white shirt please, Toby._

_ >>From: Toby A [06:50]: Yes sir _

When they’d hit their rough patch at the very beginning of the year, between Jan’s insecurities about his age and his fitness making him less desirable to Paulo, plus the anxiety they all shared over his future with Spurs, as well as the birth of Toby’s son and all of the stresses and fears that came along with it, _and_ Paulo trying to avoid his messy feelings about Hugo’s return by overextending himself in his desire to take care of them both, Paulo had established a rule, not only for Jan and Toby but for himself as well: they all needed therapy. 

Everyone had been in charge of finding and vetting their own therapist, but when it came to scheduling, he allowed them no more than two weeks between appointments. Once they had established their relationships and scheduled their appointments, any changes to the routine required Paulo’s permission. He gave it unconditionally; obviously they all had things that could come up and turn into scheduling conflicts, but it became clear immediately how much it was helping all of them, and in order to reinforce how important it was, he made them ask (and sometimes beg) regardless. 

One of the first things that he’d done in the face of the pandemic was require them to have therapy once a week, rather than once every two weeks. He knew that it couldn’t make anything better, but it was invaluable in helping them navigate things getting steadily worse. 

Paulo threw the ball a few times while he waited, and Teo dutifully sprinted after it and returned. On the third throw, Teo picked it up, walked halfway back, and then put it down and wandered across the garden to sniff something, and Paulo rolled his eyes affectionately as he watched him go. It was a fairly mild morning, though, and he enjoyed just leaning against the wall outside the back door, looking up at the low, fluffy clouds, letting the wind ruffle his hair, and listening to the grating sound of construction three houses down.

A picture came through of three white shirts laid out on Toby’s bed. One was a Spurs shirt with the Nike logo across the chest, one was just a plain white v-neck t-shirt, and one was a little more worn and faded, a tight white t-shirt with an odd looking bull skull or something outlined on the front in an exceptionally ugly shade of orange. While that was the one he would certainly prefer to receive pictures of Toby wearing, thanks to it leaving nothing to the imagination, he knew that Toby would be more comfortable in one of the other ones.

_ <<To: Toby A [06:52]: Wear the plain one. Take a picture _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:52]: Yes sir _

It took a few minutes, which made Paulo a little twitchy, but he soon received a nice selfie of Toby with the proper t-shirt on. He was standing in the kitchen now, but he’d taken the picture by the big window behind the sink, and the way the morning light hit his eyes was breathtaking, even if they were glancing away self-consciously. There was a little light coloured chest hair sticking out of the low neck of the shirt that Paulo just wanted to nuzzle his face into forever. 

_ <<To: Toby A [06:56]: Dios, mi cielito. Quiero mirarte a los ojos para siempre _

_ >>From: Toby A [06:57]: y el tuyo tambien (I hope that was right, it was google translate _ 😂 _)_  
 _ >>From: Toby A [06:57]: it’ll be a minute before I can go back up for trousers, Ayla decided she had to wash her hair... in her oatmeal _

Paulo laughed fondly as the kettle beeped from inside the open door, and he went in to make his tea. Toby was so thoughtful, so patient, and it translated so beautifully into being a great father. There had been several times that Toby and Shani had had him over for dinner and an evening of hanging out over the past year, and Toby had spent almost half of each of them on the floor, playing with Ayla rather than showing Paulo or even Shani much attention whatsoever. Shani affectionately chastised him, but Paulo thought it was beautiful. He could absolutely never get enough of the look that would brighten Toby’s face when he made Ayla laugh, or when she threw herself at him for cuddles.

With his maté and airpods, Paulo settled onto the porch swing. He didn’t have much to do at this hour, so he just bundled up and came outside with Teo to enjoy the stillness. If his back garden was the most ‘outside’ that he was allowed to have now, he planned on taking advantage of it as much as possible. 

He’d just started some music and opened Sudoku on his phone when a notification dropped down of a message from Toby. He tapped it and laughed - it was a picture of what Paulo assumed was the aftermath of Ayla’s breakfast - her highchair was covered, the tray was covered, and there was also what amounted to a perfect sunburst of oatmeal in a circle on the floor around the chair. Toby’s two little dogs were off to the left side of the picture, looking at the mess with wistful eyes from the other side of the baby gate by the stairs.

Paulo shook his head fondly as he closed the picture and went back to the text window. 

_ <<To: Toby A [07:02]: _ 😂 _Did she even eat any of it?_  
 _ <<To: Toby A [07:02]: It’s too hard cleaning up after you and Jan sometimes _ 😛 _But I definitely prefer it over that, I’m happy Patricia and I are on the same page to know we aren’t ready_  
 _ <<To: Toby A [07:03]: I don’t think I want to do it until I know I can be a father as good as you and Jan _

_ >>From: Toby A [07:03]: Aww... Paulo... have I said I love you lately? _😊

The sappy little smile that had been on Paulo’s face sharpened as he bit his lower lip. Suddenly he was imagining Toby’s beautiful face stained with that bright pink blush of pleasure, the colour that would spread across his forehead and down his cheeks, the way his ears would practically glow when Paulo teased him or praised him, and the way the blush got a little splotchy when it reached his chest.

Paulo gave in to the desire to growl a little, not sure whether it was because he was enjoying the mental image, or whether it was because he was frustrated that he didn’t know when he’d be able to feel the heat under his own two hands again. 

‘Both’ seemed like a safe bet.

_ <<To: Toby A [07:03]: I love you too. Finish cleaning, I think we were in the middle of something. _

_ >>From: Toby A [07:03]: Yes sir, absolutely. It’s done, actually, I took the picture before I cleaned it. I’m going back upstairs now _   
_ >>From: Toby A [07:04]: Jace woke up, it’ll be a few minutes, sorry _

Paulo pulled his game back up, but instead of playing, he just watched the little clock at the top of the board tick down and tried to talk himself out of being annoyed. He was still learning how to be patient with certain things, such as his boys’ wives and children _always_ being home now. There was nothing that Paulo could do to control or work around it - if he had Toby or Jan doing something and their kids interrupted them, the kids would take precedence. Paulo knew it, he was working on accepting it... but he didn’t like it. 

_ >>From: Toby A [07:09]: I changed him and he went right back to sleep, I can’t quite believe my luck. I’m back in the bedroom now, sorry _ 💙

_ <<To: Toby A [07:09]: I understand, thank you for explaining. Put on my shorts and take a picture _

_ >>From: Toby A [07:10]: Yes sir _

Paulo realised that he was clenching his jaw and he shook his head a little, forcing his body to let go and relax. He’d never quite realised how very significant it was to have that instant gratification of having them in front of him, following his commands as he gave them, being able to watch the eagerness in every line of their body, feel them tremble. 

Paulo glared across the yard until his phone trilled again. 

Looking at it, he let out a laugh of surprise at first, his glare falling away immediately and satisfaction settling over the discontent deep inside of him and smothering it out. Had he been a cat, he would have started purring. 

A couple of months ago, he had given Jan and Toby each one of his teal kits, both the jersey and shorts. At the time, it had been just for the want of another way of claiming them, but now, in isolation, they were all the more important. Not only could Paulo instruct them to wear whichever piece he wanted them to, whenever he wanted to, but Jan and Toby could also freely choose to wear them around the house whenever _they_ wanted to. It all came down to who needed the security most in the moment. 

Toby was wearing his shorts now, and the picture was taken in the mirror-- with the surprise being that Toby was standing sideways, showing how much they were tented. 

Paulo chuckled again when he looked back down at it, enjoying the sight of Toby wearing exactly what he’d instructed him to, all the way down to Paulo’s shorts, his number. He didn’t know why that sated the little part of him that wanted his boys leashed to his side 24/7, but it did. 

_ <<To: Toby A [07:12]: You are absolutely perfect. _  
_< <To: Toby A [07:12]: You have permission to take care of that before you go back downstairs. __Send me video._ 💙  
 _ <<To: Toby A [07:13]: And I want your first picture at noon, yes? _  
_ <<To: Toby A [07:13]: That’s during training, so I look forward to see you try to be subtle about going off screen in the middle of something_

 _ >>From: Toby A [07:13]: Omg _ 😂 _Yes sir_  
 _ >>From: Toby A [07:13]: Ik hou van u _

_ <<To: Toby A [07:13]: Y te amo tambien_

After waiting a few more seconds to see if Toby started typing anything else, Paulo sighed his smile away, getting up to head inside. 

It would have to do for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song ["One" by Mindy Gledhill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1ps8wXMuYo), whom I ADORE and y'all should go listen to everything she's done immediately.


End file.
